You’ll definitely feel me on this post. You know prior to children, I’m sure you’ve heard it once or twice before, “Wait, till you have your own kids- its totally different!” or “its this type of love you can’t explain!” Am I right? I know when I used to babysit or if I played with my younger nieces or nephews, an Aunt or Uncle would coyly remind me of sorts, “its different when its your own child versus you watching or playing with someone else’s child”. Today, I had that moment.
Now, you’re probably thinking– “Uh, Pinky, You just now realized how it feels to be a Mother? Like, where have you been?” and to be quite honest, Yes, I think I just figured out, my “Motherhood”. And, I mean this in an empowering way…but first, Mom’s flashback to your pregger days remember when people would give you advice on “how-to-be a Parent”. And, if you were like me, you tried your hardest to follow “parenthood” by the book. And, when it doesn’t go as planned or by the book, you kind of just felt like.. well, poop. Yep well, yeah, today, I realized my “own Motherhood”. Like, what works for me. And, to say the least don’t be ashamed if it takes you longer to figure out what works for you. (High five to ya!) Do parenthood at your pace, your way.
Today, I had that moment. MY real moment of Motherhood. Of course it’s not complete with some drama- cue in sibling fights, a sick baby, complete messy disaster at home and a puppy who is chewing everything. Let’s add the fact I just came home from work early. So, lets start from the beginning-picture this. Just rushed home from the hospital, walk into a home thats half boxed and half disaster. A baby thats sick, and uncomfortable is asleep. Child number 2 is surprisingly asleep as well. I try and take a few minutes to gather my thoughts, and set my belongings down. I quickly try to log on to do some homework online before anyone realizes I am home. Fast forward a few silent minutes later (of course it was too good to be true), oldest child comes home from school, cue in bickering with sibling who woke-up like a zombie apocalypse just happened. And, here I am still hoping to try and get some homework done. Than cue in Baby who woke-up from that sibling madness, and decided she just wants to cuddle and be held. So, of course I put my lap top down, held onto baby girl, gave the boys a lecture on sharing. And, then laid there on the couch staring at the ceiling.
I could vaguely make out what the boys were bickering about, all I could hear was the Baby’s faint whines, and her want and need to snuggle. I literally laid there, still in uniform, exhausted. I had fifty bagillion things running through my head (like I’m sure every parent does), and for some odd reason. My mind went blank. The room was silent. I peered up to see two quiet boys playing nicely together, a Baby was sound asleep in my arms. And, surprisingly the dog gave up on ripping up the coloring book. In this moment, my friends, is when I realized this was MY motherhood. I see it on tv how easy it was to do this “Mothering” and how it should be or what we should do. And, sometimes there are just moments like mine where you just shouldn’t do anything but, be there. Be in that moment. I constantly find myself rushing, pacing, or trying to overachieve my previous actions to surpass what I think I should be doing as a Mom.
In my Motherhood, I get quickly consumed by work, school, chores, and fifty hundred things that my to do list said I should do. All while balancing kids activities, play dates, school functions, etc. I forget to just be there. Today, I was just there. That moment when I laid on the couch to do nothing but, be a pillow to one child. That was my Motherhood moment. It wasn’t about the snacks I packed for school, or the after school activities we strive to do every week. It was that moment of pure — “just be there when they need you” moment. And, even though that moment had to end fairly quickly, it was nice to realize that I was doing just fine as a Mother.
It was ok that my house is half disastrous, and it was ok that there was bickering, its ok that little one’s get sick sometimes, and sometimes its okay to come home early from work to do Mom duties. Sometimes, its just ok to just be there. Crazy huh? it only took my three kids, and six years later to figure that out. ;] Don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t be too hard on yourself. You have a roof over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back and great friends and family. Most importantly, God is on your side. What more could you ask for?