Good evening Ladies and Gents!
I hope everyone is doing fantabulous! ;] Before we get down to the nitty gritty, here is a quick update! It’s been mad chaos in my home with packing and moving … eventually moving at least. School is officially in full throttle and I’ve been balancing three new college classes & the boys school schedule! Its been … ahem… fun. To say the least! ;]
I am excited to see how the kids flourish this year with the new school year and to see what they are learning! Thus far, Skyler has been succeeding in Social Studies & Science (totally my kid) and needs to work on his penmanship and reading! We have been working effortlessly in making sure he is understanding what he is learning! Spencer, is working on his annunciation and we have been working hard with a speech therapist to get his letters in order! ;]
But, in other news, the reason this blog is even going up–I wanted to bring something to light, a lot of people have asked me how I have dealt with my anxiety issues and currently deal with it. A lot of people are surprised at how “full” my plate is and how “easily” I just go about the day without breaking down. And, man do my cheeks get bright red when people tell me that. Its ever so thoughtful, but, definitely not true. I feel like I have more meltdowns than a toddler in a toy store who doesn’t want to leave!
I was diagnosed with severe anxiety in 2008 when my Dad passed away at the age of 20, I never really was given any medication to help me per se. Only an emergency medication in which I could take for those severe panic attacks. I saw a Doctor regarding the whole death experience, I then went through another experience that brought even more of an anxiety and severe depression. Again, I was never placed on medication. I solely relied on prayers & talking to God.
After a few years in 2014 and after the birth of Katelynn, after learning to “breathe” through a lot of situations, walk-out of situations to get air to calm myself down, and a lot of crying. I realized I needed to get myself under control. I came to find out that the anxiety/depression I had in 2008 never really went away, merely, I shoved it under the carpet for “next time.” But, after the birth of Kate, I experienced the Baby blues–something I NEVER experienced even with my two previous pregnancies.
My anxiety became slightly different from my 2008 panic attacks, my anxiety would worsen when I had to leave my kids, especially Katelynn. A lot of it had to happen with my death-defying birth story. You can read that here. I would be beyond anxious even if I went to the bathroom, if I took a shower. If I put her down for a nap in a different room. I even would have anxiety if my own Husband held her. It got bad.
Bad to the point that even though I literally worked not even a mile from home, that I would cry as soon as I would leave the house. It wasn’t anything against anyone watching her, or caring for any of my kids. I completely trust them. It was the idea that a part of me leaving them, even if it was for a few hours, minutes even, made me a wreck! My Husband finally convinced me to speak-up at my Doctor’s office. Man, did I fall apart. Imagine a Korean drama, mixed with a Spanish soap opera. It was bad. But, you know what, I don’t regret speaking-up at all. In fact, I wish I would’ve cried sooner.
I’m so thankful for my Doctors, they heard how I feeling and really listened to what I was going through. I tried a couple of different medications to see which would be more beneficial. And, found a happy median. I’m not saying I was “cured” over night, but, it does help. If you ever feel anxious, or stressed out, depressed, etc, speak up. Talk to someone, life won’t always be a box of chocolates, and sometimes speaking-up, writing, singing, or even typing out a text just to delete it can help.
I practice a lot of deep breathing techniques to keep me grounded and focus, I alternate with a lot of homeopathic remedies and naturopathic remedies with my medications. I take myself out of negative situations if I am ever in it, or if I am surrounded by negativity, I have learned to smile and walk-out. You’ll find your groove in things to see what triggers it, baby steps. Lots of it.
Remember, you’re not broken, God does hear you. Life isn’t perfect. Breathe and let go. ;]
If you ever need anyone to talk to, shoot me a message, I’m a great listener!