Dear 20 year-Old Me,
Now, I know it’s been a crazy year – – 2008 wasn’t kind to you, but, lets face the facts you didn’t treat 2008 that great either. Let’s recap shall we? there was a death, a move, an
unexpected whirlwind of a romance, new career path, an unexpected pregnancy, another unexpected move out-of-state, and a shot-gun wedding. I bet you would’ve never guessed being a Mom & Wife at 20. I don’t think anyone did. But, hey things happen in the oddest way and the best part is you took responsibility & made that your priority! The even better part is this new journey as a Wife & Mother. Don’t ever look at it as a bad thing. Because really, this was a blessing in disguise. And, this was meant to be! Wasn’t it?
I know it killed you leaving behind your Family the way you did, I know the anxiety you felt was over bearing. But, no one said it was going to be a walk in the park. Especially the way things happened. Just look at it as a learning experience, so you know how to better handle it. I know Motherhood isn’t always easy, and you try your best everyday. Just sometimes, it doesn’t quite pan out like you had hoped. But, the important thing in all this is that you keep trying, you keep pushing and that you are still trying to be positive. The keyword is trying. And, my dear 20-year-old self, trying is all you need to do. Even if it seems hopeless.
Pinky, Your kids are going to think the world of you! Even when you mess-up cooking dinner, or forget to pack a snack. They’re going to think you’re the best Mom in the whole world! Don’t beat yourself up too much when you feel like you can’t juggle 3 kids’ schedules and your sanity. It’s not meant to be easy. There’s days you’re going to feel like the worst parent ever, and that all you do is yell and nag. But, honestly, people think the world of how you raise your kids. Now, you don’t need everyones’ applause or opinions on how you should raise your kids, but, your sleepless nights, and early mornings and constant “nagging” is working. They’ll love you even if you look disheveled and running on two hours of sleep. And, trust me, they’ll never fail to remind you. Enjoy every minute of it, they won’t be little forever.
Just remember, it won’t always be rainbows and butterflies even though you wonder how any Mom/Wife does it and manages to still look completely put together. Don’t ever compare yourself to other Mom’s or Wives, cause truth be told they’re probably wondering how you’re doing it too! Everyone is fighting their own battles so don’t be quick to judge or compare just worry about making a better version of you!
Some important things to take note, stay focused on your studies! I know it’s hard to do so, being up all night with a Baby & than writing a paper the following morning. But, you know what, it has to be done! Your education is important & having a Baby is an even bigger motivation to continue pushing forward. What you’re doing is beneficial not only for you, but your Family as well! Just whatever you do, don’t sweat the small stuff, there are bigger things to worry about then Facebook comments & Twitter posts.
Budget & save, it isn’t fun being an adult nobody said it was going to be exciting, to have bills and paying off debt. Stay on top of it, pay it off & don’t just sign up for EVERY damn card that comes in the mailbox. You’re not a millionaire!
Keep pushing to be a better version of yourself than you were when you were younger. Be someone you know your children would be proud of. Most importantly, never give up on yourself & Don’t beat yourself up! People expect a lot out of you especially now, but, you know what. Take it day by day, and put your best foot forward always. Jump through those obstacles and embrace the journey because I promise it will be worth it!
20-year-old self, don’t forget to take deep breaths and cry. It’s definitely okay to cry. I know it isn’t easy waking up in the morning with a flood of emotions or even going to bed with tears in your eyes & a heavy chest. I know you probably tried your hardest to hold it all back. But, you probably just can’t. Not anymore at least. Cause I’m sure It was a long time coming, I know. But, just breathe. Pray & give it to God, you are strong & will overcome it. Trust me you already have. The hardest part is letting go of the burdens that bother you. You’ve already taken that one step when you gave it to God. Stay hopeful!
Try to enjoy your relationship, Ric is just as frazzled as you are. You may not think he is going through a lot of emotions. But, he is. Give him credit. At times you may despise one another, and other times completely enamored. He is going through his own roller coaster ride & the best thing to do is be open with one another, communicate. Oh, and 20-year-old-self, You won’t look at each other the same anymore. Remember that twinkle in his eyes and how you felt the butterflies in your stomach? Yeah, that goes away… fix issues as they come-up. Don’t wait. Years of unfixed issues, many responsibilities and stress can really change a person. But, don’t give-up hope. The person you fell in love with is still somewhere in there. Hang-in there!
I’m sure you’re probably wondering, If you would’ve only gotten a glimpse of how life is going to be 8 years later, would you still take that same path? Would you turn back and change the things you could? Look at it this way, don’t sweat the bad things. The best part about life is the journey. The obstacles, the people who come into your life and quickly walk-out. Take all those and learn from them. Everyday is a new day to change things for the better. So, even though you may have had a rough start, your story is still yours. Never forget your worth.
You can do this! Don’t give-up!