Don’t Get Married

As a married man, I can tell you whole-heartedlyDon’t get married. There’s some shit we go through to make things “work.” Is it worth it? The courtship is great, no strings attached. Just live. Get married, tie the knot, ball and chain… that’s a whole new story.

Are you ready to give someone your all: give them your heart, mind, body and soul? Does showing your selflessness and desire to make a life together really worth it? Don’t get married if you’re not ready to show your strength in admitting your weakness.

Sometimes we show more love than we are given. Sometimes we give more attention than is received. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter right? I believe as men we are programmed to provide, regardless of the repercussion. There’s no other way about it. Whether it’s financially, emotionally, mentally or physically we have no excuse to fall behind. But what about us? No! Happy wife, Happy life. This is basic programming for us.

Where do we draw the line and say, “You know what it’d be nice to see appreciation in return.” Truth be told, there is no line to be drawn. Shut up and open your eyes. She said “Yes!” when she could have said “no” just as easily. Sometimes it looks like she may take, take, take before she gives anything in return. But did you realize she takes what you give and returns it seven-fold.

I gave her a house, she made it a home. I gave her children, she gave me a family. She took my heart and gave me hope. So really, are we opening our eyes and seeing this all from true perspective.

If you’re debating on marriage with your girlfriend and you’re wondering if you should .. DON’T! It shouldn’t be a matter of debate, pros and cons or a convenience. Falling for someone is an involuntary motion, much like your heart beat, breathing or blinking. Loving someone unconditionally should be natural, no forcing or convincing. If you love them, it just happens. If you can’t breathe without them by your side, your heart doesn’t beat without theirs, if you close your eyes and hope when you open them they’re always there… They’re the one.

Back on topic, marriage. The ring doesn’t matter, it’s a sign of your love and devotion. Some women may be more particular than others, and if you’ve got yourself one of them… good luck. I was always told to strive to be happy, not rich; this way I know the worth of things, not their price. Sure, she won’t say no to a 5 karat ring laced with the finest cut and clarity, but will she appreciate the thought behind it?

When I proposed to Pinky, it wasn’t with a huge diamond worth a quarter of my yearly salary. I found a ring that was just right, brought her to a special place dear to my heart. It had a  name none other than, “My Spot.”

Years before, it was a deserted park unheard of by many. A little hike up the trail, over a hill through some bushes and BAM… a breathtaking view of Vegas unmolested from tourists and ongoing bystanders. It was secluded, just enough for a guy to sit, think and ponder. 

After a day with Pinky galavanting around town, I knew it was the right moment. Asked her if she wanted to visit a very special place to my heart. She obliged. There was an awkward drive as she asked, “Where are you taking me..?” We drove farther and farther into the dark of night, and suddenly as we arrived at this deserted  park her eyes got big. She thought this was it, this was the end.. This is where she will die.

In essence, she was right. This was where her life ended and our life really began. Pinky was dressed up, heels and all. I made her hike a trail, climb a hill and jump through a bush. As we reached the top her shortness of breath wasn’t so much from the climb but the beauty of the view, the breeze, the absolute bliss.

This is where most people expect the violin’s to be playing, a candle lit picnic or something of the sort. I can assure you, it was far from it. However, I did drop to one knee and poured my heart out.

I don’t know how long we will be together, but lets start with forever.

I was vulnerable. My mind hung on a thread as a brief pause felt like a decade. We all know, she obviously said yes. That concludes this episode of “Ric and Pinky’s Life Season 1.” Take out disc 1 and insert disc 9, We are here, gasping for air. Is this really what we expected? NO! Of course it isn’t. We never once wrote a time line saying in nine years we will be where we are today. We knew we would fight till the end of time to ensure our happiness, but that’s about it.

Are you ready to give someone else your heart, mind, body and soul? I signed up for this and I wasn’t ready. As much as I say I was, I wasn’t. No one is really. You can never be ready because life throws curve balls left and right. Life pulls the rug from beneath your feet when you least expect it.

I give my wife and my family every last bit of energy I have. Am I giving with little in return? No, because as I open my eyes I’m not giving awaiting a return, I’m giving back rather. I’ve been blessed to have such an amazing wife and family, what I do just keeps the wheels moving.

If you aren’t ready to put in a little elbow grease, endure some pain or embark on an emotional roller coaster: Don’t get married. You don’t get to enjoy the view from the summit by standing in the valley. To really appreciate and enjoy the fruits of your marriage, you have to remember the heartache and turmoil that got you there.

Allow yourself to be picked. Allow yourself to break. Allow yourself to hurt. Open yourself to all these things and you will appreciate everything most people tend to ignore.

–R.M. Drake, Broken Flowers.


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