Being ashamed of your situation, relationship and/or decisions brings you nowhere. I’ve had so many of my guy friends and acquaintances approach me in the past months mentioning the recent blogs posted by Pinky and myself. All same shit, different diaper.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely flattered people read the randomness and actually absorb whatever message I’m attempting to convey: No matter how big, little or unimportant. The main thing is, these guys are ashamed to actually talk about it. Most of them ask questions on “how it happens” or how we make it really work. Slowly but surely the truth comes out. “Bro, to be honest me and my girl have been so rocky and your blog opened my mind up to so much….”
All of a sudden me and these acquaintances gain a totally different respect for each other. Our relationships are usually based on a common interest like my most obvious interest, cars. After a little heart-to-heart conversation about life, love and the future we take became closer and more open to conversations.
This all stems from what? A random rant or word vomit I decided to toss into a blog post. I would have never believed certain people I know have the same or similar struggles regarding their lives. At the same rate, the same goes for them towards me.
Why do we live like this? People we consider friends and acquaintances live in the dark with our situations and later on realize we all have struggles the same way. Not saying air your dirty laundry to everyone and their mother, but people we consider really good friends and/or acquaintances should be clued in just a little bit.
We all live a lie even in the slightest. “What’s up man? How are you? How have you been?” the cop out answer, “Not much. I’m good, you?” We shouldn’t always just burst out in the feels and bear out all the gripes and heartache, but there’s always a time and place.
Putting up a wall is normal, keep out the unwanted and undesired. Sometimes posting up an emotional wall could also end up keeping out the needed support and help we all seek. This hypothetical wall divides people all the time. I, for instance, meet someone new and put a wall up immediately! I give everyone the trust and respect off the bat that they deserve regardless of prejudice or previous forewarnings from others. I’m obligated to my own opinion of a person. However, the moment trust or respect is lost, good luck regaining it.
Sometimes this hypothetical wall is in place because we are ashamed of something or even afraid of another. Letting someone into your “inner circle” can be dangerous. Your heart, mind, body and soul can be sacrificed if one wrong move is made. That’s where rolling with the punches comes in. The moment something starts to feel like it’s going in the wrong direction, start to close the opening. Your gut knows best, learn to trust it and have faith that it will not steer you wrong.
Let people know what’s going on. Again, don’t air your dirty laundry out but let people know. The weight from the anxiety and uncertainty can be detrimental to your life. Posting a long, unwanted Facebook rant isn’t what I’m talking about. Go out, have a beer, take a breather with a buddy or seven and clue them in. You’ll be surprised, maybe they might just be going through the same shit. Get through it together, isn’t that the point of having friends as a support system?
Now the recent revolving question, “How are things at home, Ric?” GREAT! Probably the best they’ve been in years if not ever! I can honestly say me and my wife have hit a point in our life that we have been yearning for. Comfort, honesty, open-ness. We’ve confided in each other more than ever.
What are we doing now that’s different? Everything. For years it’s seemed to be the same mundane living and we just try to plow through our trials and hope to get over shit later. That was insanity.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
— Albert Einstein
We are changing our “norm.” We found a solution and it’s working, I think . Sure change is awkward and sometimes very unsettling, but we work. Things we say, do and see mesh better than they ever have: Better than I ever imagined. Communication is still key to anything, but we are learning more every day. Compromise and meeting in the middle smooth over the rough edges. I’m learning a lot, like to let go of what has burdened our past and embrace the happiness we find today. We are still ironing out the kinks, but when we are ready to present our grandmaster plan, be prepared… it’s a doozy.